An epiphany came to me suddenly tonight and nearly froze me in time. What is my life except my own adventure? My favorite fictional characters go on tumultuous adventures to rescue loved ones, save the world, dispel darkness… But I want one of my own. I have many obstacles that I assume to be restraints, but they are only temporary things that don’t really hold me back from what I want to do. Whatever I want to be, I can be. I am in control—though sometimes being in full control is scary, to me. With all of the different ways to turn, all of the different pathways to follow in this world, I’m still not sure which to follow. I don’t want to be stuck on only one path, but I also can’t expect to jump around either. It’s perplexing.
But why should I feel this restraint? Why should I feel as if I have to follow one popular, particular path? I want to go on an adventure while my toes still grip on the earth beneath them. I want to adventure as if I were sharing a journey to the Misty Mountains just to help a group of strangers reclaim their home from an evil, or a journey to just check off the dreams on my mental list (that usually alters itself daily).
Of course I know what “genre” of career I want, but any specifics are news to me. I want to choose my own adventure. There are choices I make for the better of others, but sometimes those are against me. How will I create a grand adventure for myself in this bleak and normal world when I can’t make a decision to better myself? Why do I choose to be fearful so I can stay stationary? It takes courage to adventure, I suppose.
I want to make something more of myself, for myself. The world is critical and cruel, but there is still adventuring to be done here. My journey lasts but a few years in this world’s lifetime, and I really want to make the most of it. I thought by this time in my life I’d have something figured out for my future; I guess that might never be the case.
Update: I found this article through LinkedIn that explains exactly what I felt last night. The author calls “compliance” what I saw as “restraint.” I allow what everyone else says or implies to be the path I choose, when I haven’t considered what I really want.
Do you struggle with preparing for your future, too?
Ever wander, readers,